Monday, May 21, 2007

Boof Mania

It’s officially summer and our baseball team officially sucks worse than anything that has even sucked before. Even Paris Hilton.

Okay, that was too easy, but you get the point.

The real point is that it’s summer, and football can’t get here fast enough. I’m not going to bore you with some overzealous diatribe about OMFG Graham Harrell is GOING TO BE SOOO ALLSOME THIS YEAR!!1!

What I do want to talk about is a movement that in no uncertain terms is taking over the sports nation. Boof mania.

That’s right, I said Boof.

What is Boof, you might ask? Is it some new snazzy drug the kiddies are popping between homeroom and sixth period? Or, better yet, is it something I'm not aware of that is a euphemism for a woman’s vagina that I missed the "boat" on for years before I finally figured it out?

(Damn you, Pink Taco, you elusive adumbration!)

No on both counts.

Boof is, simply put, the most retarded name two parents ever bestowed on a human being. And he just happens to be a pitcher for your Minnesota Twins.

It is his real name. I looked it up.

He really isn’t that bad of a pitcher. I watched him pitch a Sunday night game kind of recently, and he didn’t have terrible stuff.

Okay, and I admit, the Boof Nation is only pop. 1, looking at the blog.

I would seriously love to know what this guy had to go through as a kid. Hell, I wonder what he goes through now as an adult.

“Your last name, sir?”
"Your first name?”
“It’s Boof.”
“Boof. B-O-O-F.”
“Ha ha ha! No, really. What’s your real name?”

And Ron Gardenhire has given him the ball every fifth day ever since that fateful conversation. God bless a country where a man named Boof can.. well... do whatever it is Boof does.

I just want to go to a game at the Metronome (errrr.. Dome) so I can say what it is I’ve wanted to say this whole entry.


I’d also like to meet his parents, and ask them to come up with the name for the protagonist in my upcoming novel “Why I shot up my school.”

Screw it. I’m a Boof fan for the summer. That will give me something to do.

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