Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I'll be there

So you know - Bond J Bond/Aphrodisiac Jackson will be in the LBK for "the" game.

First game I've attended in Lubbock (that's a qualifier because I've been to a few bowl games) since I GRADUATED! Holy crap that's a long time.

Bought the tickets before the season started (thank you Red Raider Club) because I also have a family function on Friday night...I had no idea that the value of my tickets would appreciate FAR faster than any stock I've ever owned...geez.

The Head Coach was on Dan Patrick's radio program today, by the way...pretty awesome interview.

So if you see a great lookin' drunk white guy wearing a black T-Shirt that says "Texas Tech" emblazoned across the front - well - that could be me!

Gotta go pack - see you soon, fellas...

Monday, October 27, 2008

a few thoughts from a fan

I've waited 35 years for Saturday night.

To put that in a little perspective...

I only had to wait 22 years to meet the woman I would marry and have a child with.

I'm pretty sure there's a large group of folks that can say they've waited a hell of a lot longer for their spouse and for this weekend's football dream matchup. So let's just say that this weekend is big. Really big.

If Tech were somehow to lose the game, I just want all of y'all to remember that the season isn't over - that group of guys has more than delivered for us already this year.

Enough of that negative talk, though...

I'm comforted that the Austin sports radio stations and national media have revealed unintentionally that they haven't watched a single Tech Football game this season. Because this team is different, so all of those folks who keep spouting off the same old Tech cliche's (no running game, no defense, weak schedule, gimmick offense, system quarterback, treeless sand dune landscape, etc etc) are only making themselves to look ignorant to the truth.

Regarding the Defense:

Spare me your "Tech is only the 58th best defense in the country" because I'll note that UT is ranked #44 and gives up only 12 yards less per game than does TTU. Please.

Tech is 10th in turnover margin @ +9 (So is OU - see how that helped them in their big game against the Longhorns?)

Tech is 21st in 3rd down conversions allowed - only allowing 32%, Texas is WAY down the list at 47th - but only allow 36%.

Pass defenses between the two units are slight as well, btw - UT allows 265 ypg via the air and Tech 245 ypg.

Texas is so AWESOME on the ground! 183 ypg! Let me tell you what - you'd better be - if you're not going to throw the ball as much as Tech is - you'd better run the ball well - in fact, I'd venture to guess you'd want more than a 45 yard per game average on the ground (Tech runs at 138 ypg).

So spare me your weak stats comparisons - the differences are slight at best.

Coming into the season Tech fans were hungry to play UT because "this could be the year" we could beat them. After all, they had to come to our place and in the preseason even UT was worried about their young secondary and a lack of a pure RB. And so, of course, UT is ranked #1 in the country.... lol ... once again, college football demonstrates its singular awesomeness through its sheer lack of predictability.

Tech is not at all unlike the black sheep of the big state university systems (although the U of H system would quickly disagree). And so having ESPN College Gameday come to Lubbock is not at all unlike having the Griswolds come to Cousin Eddie's for the holidays.

Except that we live in a pretty nice subdivision - and we're going to get to show off our version of how the other side lives on Saturday.

We hope you enjoy our company this weekend, we'll likely only remember parts of your visit. But I can assure you we'll remember the part where we light up the Christmas Tree with TDs.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Ruff Treatment

Well, well, well…that was fun, wasn’t it? That’s what I’ve been waiting for all year…a good ol’ Tech butt whuppin’. While I was happy for it, I’m kind of sad it came at the expense of Kansas. I’d have much rather seen this come at the expense of Aggy or you know who down in Austin. I just don’t have anything against Kansas or its fans. I’ve had to travel to Kansas a lot and spent a good deal of time there in my work, and I’ve never failed to find the people up there to be anything but friendly and good natured folks—except for this one plaintiff I went up there to depose who threatened to throw me down a flight of stairs. But he was from Missouri anyway.

What made this game so fun were the facts that the outcome didn’t ever really seem in doubt and our defense played well throughout the game. It was just “fun,” and I wasn’t kicked out of the family room for having angst induced grand mals in front of the kids (my anxiety sometimes gets the better of me, manifesting itself in shrieking, beer spitting and inanimate object kicking). But you have to cut me some slack – I’m a product of Texas Tech football circa 1979 through 1983. You know: the "12,000 in the stands- 'Rocket' Ron Reeves turf skipping incomplete pass- couldn’t beat Rice -Rex got on the wrong plane-gawddamned SMU lateral on the kickoff" era of Texas Tech football. While I may not agree with all the observations of my esteemed fellow scribe on this blog when it comes to Spike Dykes, I’ll be the first to say that Leach is a Godsend. Crazy? Well maybe so…Give me crazy over a sane loser any day. A drunk? Fine by me…Drinks are on us, Mike. A lawyer?…Well, what can I say?

But one of the things I love about Leach is that he put Ruffin McNeil in charge of the defense. I love this guy! At one point relatively late in the game, when the win was well in hand, Kansas began moving the ball. Ruff calls the guys over during a time out and he’s so worked up, HE’S SPITTING WHEN HE’S YELLING AT THEM! You gotta love a spitter! That’s what I wanna see…a guy who doesn’t want the other team to score even if the game is in the bag. Beats that “bend but don’t break” crap an day. "Patooey! Get yo' butt out there and tackle!"

Of course, our happiness must be tempered by what’s to come. Tech now has to face the Evil Empire. I really don’t hate UT like I do Aggy. I know a lot of UT grads who are decent guys to have a beer with. But that arrogance is always there, you can just sense it. Well, I suppose they have the right to be arrogant: they have several national championships, as compared to our, well... zero national championships. And, unlike our insane, delusional Maroon wearing friends, their last NC didn’t come from the leather helmet wearing “24…87…36…hike, hike, hike!” days. Face it, we'll probably always be in their shadow. Their coach is a grandfatherly good ol' boy. Tech's coach is a loco, pirate-loving lawyer. They play in a 100,000 seat stadium. Tech is hoping to get the Jones to 65,000 with a planned addition. They have so many blue chip recruits, they don't know what to do with them all. Tech has a kicker recruited from the Lynnewood apartment complex half time kick-o-rama. So what? He did go 9 for 9. I don't care about any of's part of being a Tech alum. We're strange, but hey, we're fun to be around.
Tech's offense is firing on all cylinders now, so it should be able to score. It’s Coach Ruff and his slobber inducing D we need. The Furby-resembling quarterback for UT is completing passes at a percentage that is simply too good to believe. Shipley and Cosby are running wild. UT is playing scary good right now. Texas is supremely confident they will beat Tech. When UT defensive tackle Roy Miller heard about the 63 points Tech hung on Kansas, he only said “Well, we’re not Kansas.” Of course you’re not Roy. People in Kansas aren’t arrogant turds. OU felt pretty confident coming into Lubbock last year. I am hoping Coach Ruff and his boys can administer a dose of humility.
P.S. What say we all chip in and but Jon Bible a two week ticket to Hawaii or someplace?

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

A Clockwork Maroon

It was a lovely Friday afternoon, Brothers, when my mates and I left Lubby-Cock to travel to the Harvard on the Brazos for a bit of fun. Me droogs, Mike, Zach and John, loaded into the Durango. A quick stop at Wally Wally Mart for a load of C cells, a whip through the Korova for one for the road, and we were off! Our sad little third tier trade school withered away in the rearview as the Durango purred away a real horror show - a nice, warm vibraty feeling all through your guttiwuts. And soon it was trees and dark, my brothers, with real country dark.. Oh, the anticipation of it all ! A scrap with our greatest one- sided and most self possessed rivals! The thought made me shiver like the rippling of a spastic colon passing an Allsup’s burro-toro. A fair balance of the Ultra violence was afoot, and with a little luck, maybe we’d come upon the opportunity for a little of the old in-out.

After some time, we stopped at a diner in a peaceful little burg. It was a pretty little place, with the name The Green Frog. Mike, John and me-self went in for a quick spot of joe while Zach stayed outside stomping a small kitten to death. “Good evening gentlemen, what’ll you have?” asked the olden heifer behind the counter. “Eggiwegs”, says I, “if you please.” My droogs had the same, with waffles. Mike loosened the lid off the salt shaker so it would dump on some poor, unsuspecting wag’s steakiwegs as I spit into the ketchup bottle. As we were departing the fine eatery, I spotted a poor derelict snoozing away in a boozy dream state by the Bubbly-Wumpster. One thing I could never stand to see was a filthy, dirty old drunkie, howling away with “The Eyes of Texas” and going blurp blurp in between as it might be a filthy old orchestra in his stinking, rotten guts. I could never stand to see anyone like that, whatever his age might be, but more especially when he was real old like this one was. A few swift kicks with the old jackboot and the old bugger was moaning in pain. Johnny boy helped rinse the blood off of the withered coot's face with a good, strong stream of piss. We quite enjoyed our stop. But away!

We made slow progress way to land of the collie, what with having to slow down to try to hit the stray dogs in the road and with Mike wanting to stop and set fire to every crop we passed. John had a lovely time turning over the gravestones in a historic cemetery. We finally rolled in to town at 9 a.m. We were all feeling a bit shagged and fagged and fashed, it being a night of no small expenditure. Still, we were not too tired for a bit of the old in-out. What we were after now was the old surprise visit. That was a real kick and good for laughs and lashings of the old ultraviolent. We spied a young ladies’ dormitory. We approached and I knocked on a door. “Excuse me, Miss. Can you please help? There's been a terrible accident! My friend's in the middle of the road bleeding to death! Can I please use your telephone for an ambulance?” “ Well, I don’t know…” she says, eyeing the double T’s on me smock. ” Missus! It's a matter of life and death!” She foolishly unlached the chain, and we were win-win in the inn! The first thing that flashed into my gulliver was that I'd like to have her right down there on the floor with the old in-out, real savage. Me mates followed right along. It was rape, rape and more rape, except for Mikie-boy, who toddled off to poison the local water supply.

We neared the destination around 11:00. What do we see but a contingent from the local academic collective, all dressed in the flowery maroon of their pride and joy. Classy they were. Classy, and quite, quite hospitable. “Howdy!” they cried, “Howdy and welcome!” One of them handed me a small white souvenir towel. “We’re glad you’re here!” So nice and welcoming they were! I smiled a gleeful, wicked smile, and said “You know what you can do with that towel? Stick it up our arse! Lets get em’ boys!” Ahhh, my Brothers, we made quick work of them, we did. We beat and raped and beat some more, till' there was no one left to flog. Zach wandered off to loot the local food bank.

Dear Brothers, the next few hours were spent in joyful bliss. Batteries were hurled, along with insults and goodly amount of saliva and profanity. I pissey-wissed in a lemonade dispenser while Mike went to set fire to the nearest day care center. Oh bliss! Bliss and heaven! Oh, it was gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh. It was like a bird of rarest-spun heaven metal or like silvery wine flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now. It had been a wonderful day and what I needed now, to give it the perfect ending, was a little of the Ludwig Van. But all I could hear was the theme from Patton! Suddenly, I viddied what I had to do, and what I had wanted to do, and that was to do myself in; to snuff it, to blast off forever out of this wicked, cruel world. One moment of pain perhaps and, then, sleep forever, and ever and ever. Never to hear the theme from Patton again!!! But, dear reader, I couldn’t take myself past the brink. There was simply too much pain to inflict and classlessness to display yet in my life. I girded up and carried on.

It had been a long day. We had exhausted our store of batteries, and there were no coeds left to molest. My droogs and I made our way to the Durango. John made a quick detour to kick the teeth out of an old biddy’s mouth, and her dentures flew long and straight. Someone stopped him and asked him if he’d ever place kicked in high school. Soon, however, we were on our way to the South Plains. A lovely time had been had by me and the droogs. It is of no small misfortune that we never made it into the stadium. Did I mention there was an American football contest going on at the local university? Texas Technological defeated Texas Agricultural & Mechanical by a score of 43 to 25. There was a blocked kick or some such thing. They could use me droog Johnny boy.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Mike Leach wonders...

...why people keep asking about him about playing a football game until the final whistle.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Caption Time

5th and inches - Week 8

OK boys and girls, an 8-8 mark last week against the number, so I didn't lose anything but some juice here and there, 11-5 on straight up winners/losers...yearly totals now are 51-33-1 and 76-23.

Let's roll.


#9 BYU (2) @ TCU (Versus) - Interesting game here, as BYU has kind of had TCU's number of late, winning 5 of 6 in the series over the last 10 years. Last year's game at BYU was a close one, and I suspect this one will be as well. TCU...23-20.


#7 Texas Tech (21) @ Texas A&M (FSN HD) - We'd be remiss, of course, if we didn't revisit the last time these 2 played at Kyle Field...

...with that said, Jerrod Johnson could be a real difference maker in this one, depending on if he gets to play and how they use him. He had a big day last week vs. KState, but got behind early and had to try and rally all day. If Tech can get the pressure going with an early score, it's a game they should win comfortably. I still don't know about 3 TDs, though. Tech...41-27.

#11 Mizzou (ABC HD) @ #1 Texas (7) - Coming off the big emotional win over OU, it'd be easy for Texas to be flat, and for Mizzou to be refocused after losing to OK State. I suspect Texas won't be flat, however, and it should be a tight ballgame. A late score makes the difference here. Texas...37-27.

Baylor @ #8 OK State (17) - After the big win in Columbia, it would be easy to expect a letdown from the Cowboys this week. I don't see it, though. Robert Griffin is a good one for the Bears and will be for a long time to come, but there's still a long way to go. OSU...45-21.

#16 Kansas (ABC) @ #4 Oklahoma (17') - Kansas was much better last week than they'd been at Iowa State. OU was good, just got beat. Oklahoma...38-17.

Kansas State (FSN) @ Colorado (3) - Big road win for the 'Cats last week...'Buffs still looking for their first Big 12 win of the year. Colorado...27-21.

Nebraska (5') @ Iowa State (Versus) - I told you last week Nebraska was a better team than folks gave them credit for. ISU, coming home after the Baylor trouncing, I look for them to get dominated up front. Nebraska...31-17.

#18 North Carolina (5') @ Virginia (ABC/ESPN2) - Suddenly, Virginia has found some life with wins over Maryland and East Carolina. Carolina has been winning as well, but now lost their best playmaker to a knee injury. Add to it that they haven't won at Virginia since 1981, and this will be a trendy upset pick this week. Virginia...19-17.

Houston (13') @ SMU - The Ponies found something last week in pushing Tulsa. I think they'll just find themselves behind this week. Houston...40-27.

Army (TW-Buffalo) @ Buffalo (10') - I'm squarely on the Army bandwagon now. I think if you live in Buffalo, you can get this on Time Warner Cable. Also, I think you should move. Buffalo...24-20.

Miami (5') @ Duke (ESPN U HD) - Miami...versus Duke...only a 5-point favorite...and not the Miami from Ohio? Never thought I'd see it. Miami...27-13.

Michigan (ESPN HD) @ #3 Penn State (24) - There's nothing here that doesn't say "Take Penn State." PSU...38-13.

#22 Vandy (Raycom) @ #10 Georgia (15) - I think the Vanderbilt Reality Tour continues for a 2nd straight week. Georgia...35-14.

#12 Ohio State (3) @ #20 Michigan State (ABC/ESPN2) - Wow. This is a tough one. Michigan St. hasn't won in this series since '99. Ohio State is better with Pryor at QB. I might feel different if this were a night game. Ohio State...20-10.

#13 LSU (3') @ South Carolina (ESPN HD) - Something's bugging me about this game, and I think it could eventually turn weird. LSU...21-20.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

5th and inches - Week 7

I own this blog, apparently. Sorry for no update last week. Had real stuff to do for a change.


43-25-1 now ATS...65-18 SU. Here we go.



Clemson (ESPN HD) @ #21 Wake Forest (3) - The Oregon State on Thursday night show is finally over after 2 weeks and we're back in the ACC. Clemson is definitely one of the bigger disappointments of the year thus far, despite the fact that they wear purple pants. Wake, meanwhile, followed up a big win at Florida State with an egg against Navy, ruining a perfect season. Clemson's won the last 4 in this series, but I've got a couple of trends that go 23-7 in Wake's favor tonight. And since that's really all I know about it, I'm going with it. Wake...30-24.


Nebraska (FSN HD) @ #7 Texas Tech (21) - Ya know, I've been to Tech/Nebraska games in Lubbock where there was a 21-point line. Only it was the other way around. My how times have changed. The Huskerdoodles are fresh off a pounding at home by Mizzou, Tech fresh off a road pasting of KState. The last time the Kids in the Corn visited Lubbock, they left with the worst loss in school history at 70-10. But I've seen Nebraska come south and play well, and I expect Tech to win here, but I suspect it won't cover the number. Tech...38-20.

#5 Texas (ABC) @ #1 Oklahoma (7) - Easily the game of the day...I even think College Gameday will be at the Fair for the 11A kickoff....which is a terrible time slot, by the way. With an 11A kick, the pregame on Austin radio starts at 11:30 Friday night. The newly revamped Cotton Bowl will be rockin' and it should be a helluva game. As for the game itself...OU has blitzkrieged each opponent thus far with their no-huddle offense. Texas has started pretty well, too, but for each, it will be the best opponent to date. With Colt McCoy being the leading rusher for Texas, I don't think that bodes well in this one. OU...31-21.

#17 OK State (ESPN2 HD) @ #3 Mizzou (13') - The Cowboys go north to Columbia, where teams have really struggled in recent years. I think this one's alot closer than the Vegas boys wanna tout it. OSU can move the ball, probably better than anyone Mizzou has seen yet. There's still questions about Mizzou's defense, though I think they'll be fine. Still, should be entertaining and close in the 4th....but I like the Tigers at home...Mizzou...34-26.

Kansas State (3') @ Texas A&M - Could be a real arrival moment for one coach, well...forget that. Sherman's going to take his lumps this year at A&M, there's no doubt. Ron Prince, meanwhile, should KState lose this one, I think he's a definite candidate for "For Sale" signs in his OFFICE come Monday morning. Somehow...I'll take the Aggies...A&M...27-26.

Colorado (ESPN2 HD) @ #14 Kansas (14) - A week from scraping by Iowa State, Colorado comes in licking its wounds...assuming buffalo do that sorta thing...after Texas came calling. KU has kinda followed the road many thought they might, coming back down to earth a little after last year's BCS run. But I think they're still better than Colorado...but I don't know about 14. Kansas....28-23.

Iowa State (FCS Central) @ Baylor (4) - The Bears are playing well in spurts, as are the Cyclones. That kinda thing usually goes over better at home. Baylor...31-24.

Notre Dame (ABC/ESPN) @ #22 North Carolina (7) - One guy for Carolina blocked 3 punts last Saturday and should have had 4. That doesn't have anything to do with this weekend, but you just don't see that too often. Hard to really like either one here, because the 'Heels offense did nothing last week, and Notre Dame outlasted Stanford...again. I'll take Carolina to win, but not by much. UNC...19-16.

#4 LSU (CBS HD) @ #11 Florida (4) - Another great one in the SEC...there's even been trash talk this week from the LSU side. I'm smelling a wild finish in this one and it's really too close to call. Florida...23-21.

Tennessee (CBS HD) @ #10 Georgia (13) - Georgia healed up for a week after getting blasted by 'Bama...Tennessee feasted on Northern Illinois. If, by feasting, one's talking about getting fat on Jenny Craig. Tennesse outlasted Northern Illinois, in Knoxville, 13-9. That's not a good setup for going to Georgia. Georgia...28-10.

Eastern Michigan (ESPN Classic) @ Army (1') - Army appears to have found something, with a tough loss at A&M and a blowout win over heavily favored Tulane. Army...30-20.

Tulsa (25) @ SMU - There will be lots of the forward passing of the footballs in Dallas Saturday. Tulsa...52-24.

Central Florida (ESPNU HD) @ Miami (15) - 2 tough losses in a row for Miami. Miami...27-17.

Michigan State (3) @ Northwestern (ESPN2 HD) - Did y'all know Northwestern is 5-0? Northwestern...24-20.

#6 Penn State (5) @ Wisconsin (ESPN HD) - Not sure why, but I think Wisconsin comes back tough after the Ohio State loss. Penn State...24-21.

Arkansas @ Auburn (18) - I'm sure this is on the MizLou network or something like that, but I can't find it. Lines are hard to find on this game because Auburn fired its offensive coordinator this week, 6 games into his tenure there. Tough to cover almost 3 TDs when you do something like that. Auburn...27-13.