Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Petition

(5:45 pm)

Coach,

Why the constant "keeping my options open" behavior? You have repeatedly indicated you want to stay in Lubbock, but hop the next flight to Seattle? I get the whole "I'm a lawyer and this is just part of the business of coaching and negotiations" thing, but it seems like you enjoy twisting our nips a little too much and they're starting to get a little sore and it ain't exciting like it used to be...

I'm in position number one on the bandwagon - always have been - but for all that is still holy could you please turn on your freaking cell phone?

Seems like we're always negotiating in good faith while our partner keeps jerking it to every single December issue of Hustler ever since we got married...it's not helping our already shitty self esteem one single bit.

Now, please stay.

Because we love you.

And we know you beat the shit out of us occasionally, but you make us feel safe...and the offensive explosions are out of this world - occasionally you aren't that into it - but for the most part I look forward to our Saturday nights with lustful abandon...you take us into your arms and tell us how wonderful we are and then you do that thing you do where you throw me all over the place...

Nobody does it just the way you do...

Come back.

I suppose these bruises will heal just like they did last time...



(8:39 pm)


(note: my frustration has led to foul language in this post, if you're up past your bedtime, call your mommy and tell them a bad man on the computer has spoken inappropriately toward you. For our regular readers who may be slightly appalled, I promise I'll go buy Hillsong's new CD right away and repent soon after)



I propose a resolution/petition - sign it if you like...


Resolved,

We the People of Raiderland, in order to form a more perfect fan base, establish 1st tier-e-ness, insure collegiate tranquility, provide for a better defense, promote the genital welfare, and secure the blessings of ftwinity to ourselves and our...well mostly ourselves, do ordain and establish this Petition for the United Commuter Lots of Raiderville....



A petition for Mike Leach to go freeze his balls off in Washington...where it rains all the fucking time and Grey's Anatomy isn't really filmed there.

Or to go to Mississippi State where you can smell the chicken shit all the live long day...cause I don't care what you say that is far more disgusting than the feedlots of Hereford...

And finally, if you're stupid enough to go to Auburn and risk being the next guy on their stupid gay orange and blue carousel, then go be Nick Saban's bitch because I'm sure that will taste so much better than Stoops' ass...




Signed,

Aphrodisiac Jackson, Texas

2 comments:

HuskyFan said...

Your AD should have ponied up the cash in the offseason when Leach asked for a contract extension. I think this has more to do with his looking elsewhere than just about anything. And why do they only offer 3-year extensions at TT? UW will probably offer him a 6 or 8 year deal guaranteed...

yvehc76 said...

Huskey, as long as Gerald Meyers is our AD money will not be a problem. Meyers has always fought to give his coaches what they want. He gave Leach a huge raise 3 years ago right about the time this was happening then.

He's already said he's not going to wait until the bowl game to get a new contract done. This is just a matter of Leach looking at his options like any intelligent person would do.