Time to play....the MORON GAME!!!!!!

You have to go back a pretty long ways in the annals of great sports press conferences to find anything remotely close to the tragicomedy on display today in College Station. Everyone's familiar with the great press conference meltdowns of all time: you know Jim Mora's 'don't talk about playoffs' rant, you loved Dennis Green's 'they are what we thought they were!' explosion, and you vowed never to talk shit about anyone from Oklahoma State within a 300 mile radius of Mike Gundy's sensitive ears.

These press conference meltdowns are fun in their own right, but the Aggies managed to surpass all of them on the basis of sheer unintentional comedy alone.

First, (and if I may speak as an Aggie for a moment) WHY DO YOU CALL A NEWS CONFERENCE? THIS STORY'S NEWS CYCLE ENDED LAST WEEK. EVERYONE FORGOT ABOUT IT! IT'S OVER! TELL ANYONE WHO CARES TO ASK THAT YOU'RE HANDLING IT WITHIN THE PROGRAM AND OH LOOK, A KEG OF BEER...YOU LIKE BEER, RIGHT!!!!! Fortunately for us, Dollar Bill felt the deep primordial urge to get up in front of the world and drag his coach through the mud two days before the biggest game of the season.

Second, the admonishment. Admonish. Such a funny word. With their super education, Aggies know what it means, but this poor Tceh grad had to look it up. And imagine my disappointment when I found out admonish didn't mean 'demand a blowjob in return for overlooking a serious failure, mistake, or shortcoming'. It would have been so fitting (somehow, Fran is eminently easy to imagine as a leather daddy). But alas, admonish means to advise or caution. What? Your coach is releasing detailed information to boosters to do whatever they damn well please with, and the best you can come up with is to advise or caution him not to do it? Dammit, I wish my job was this easy! Sorry about that building falling down. I will take your advice to not let that happen again.

What a disappointing cop-out.

If you're going to pick past the moldy, maggot encrusted hulk of Britney Spears' custody battle in the rancid dumpster of news no one cares about anymore to get to this story, at least give it some bite. Why not fire Fran and his staff today and bring back RC Slocumb for the rest of the year, with Jamaar Toombs as offensive coordinator/strength and conditioning coach? At least those two would relate to the most important players...Arrrrrceeeee and Stephen McGee could talk about the great Aggie traditions while sharing a jizz jar and Jamaar and Javorskie Lane could surreptitiously sneak off to the nearest Holy Grail of disgusting lardos, White Castle. Seeing as how the nearest one to College Station is in Murfeesboro, TN, the two would be gone for awhile, but that would sit well with Aggie fans who know they're getting fucking demolished this weekend with or without him and would cherish the ready made excuse/moral victory potential.

However the release of the Franletters to the public (with names of players delightfully redacted) more than made up for any lack of teeth in Fran's punishment. If I may speak as an Aggie fan again: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU RELEASE THE LETTERS? JUST TELL ANYONE THAT WANTS TO KNOW THE SPECIFICS OF THE CONTENT THAT THERE WAS PRIVATE INFORMATION ABOUT PLAYERS AND YOU DIDN'T WANT TO PUT IT IN JEOPARDY! GOOD LORD I AM ABOUT TO HANG MYSELF! Here are some of my favorite excerpts

Apparently reporters two days ago, in an interview with [name redacted] got the impression that he reported to camp at the 268 pounds he weighed last spring after a long bout with mononucleosis. The NY Times reported that, and the beat writers followed up on it. He is, as only you know, heavier than the 282 he weighed going into the Texas game.

When told of the line of questioning based on the perception of [name redacted] weighing 268, Amy Bragg, our registered dietician in charge of performance nutrition, commented, “Yes, he is. And I’m 6-feet-2.” (She is 5-2.)

Still and probably repeating ourselves, [name redacted] looks the same – nimble and powerful – in practice. He gets winded quickly. “He is working hard,” Coach Fran said.

Yeah, we have no idea who that could be (snicker). But you have to love the bubble of delusion surrounding Fran. Yeah buddy, only those super special VIP's knew that Javorskie Lane was a complete fatass. Good thing you have this super secret newsletter to let your fans in on that secret.

For the week leading up to the Texas game last year: (and this needs to be broken up)
The motivational ploys this week include (and all of this is confidential):

The athletic trainers staff decorating themselves and the traing [sic] room in all-Longhorn motif all week. Athletic trainer David Weir just came up to inform Coach Fran of something, and he’s wearing a burnt orange t.u. staff shirt. When you enter the room for treatment a huge orange sign covers up the words “Texas A&M” and therefore reads, “Longhorn Athletic Training Room.”

How cute, they call Texas t.u. Because they're actually UT, but we don't capitalize it and put it backwards and that pisses the T-sips off oh so much. Right. It's times like this that you have to love the laid-back attitude of Mike Leach, who always has the same demeanor week to week, and most definitely doesn't resort to middle school tricks like these, and even more assuredly won't end up in the state sanitorium sawing the horns off a paper Bevo cutout with blunted scissors and muttering 'Mack I love you but I hate you' under his breath.

They have posted little signs all over the room with off-putting statements on them, such as “Chad Schroeder: not good enough to play for Texas.: and “Kirk-I’m Always Holding-Elder.” And “Yemi—I’m Too Soft—Babalola.” One that cuts like a knife says, “How do you get Obiozor out of the game? Put in the Scout Team.”

Let's see, true, true, true, and I had no idea Fran recruited Jews. I bet the one that cut really deep was 'Coach - Thank God for Ladanian Tomlinson - Fran.

In keeping with the spirit of raising consciousness to as high a level as possible, there is a set of longhorns hanging from both goal posts at the practice field. At the end of the week (tomorrow) we’re going to saw them into small pieces.

Laughing.

We had “Bevo Food Bits” in small dishes in the department the last two days for snacks.

Laughing a little bit too hard.

The training staff, imps, that they are this week, are then going to throw the orange shirts they’ve been wearing all week into the bonfire, er, uh, camp fire.

Coach, on behalf of Texas, Tech, and Baylor, thank you.

Thank you Fran and Bill Byrne for the great times. This illustrious team will most definitely not be together to entertain us next year, thanks for going out in the most spectacular manner possible. Thank you for the blowout losses, the unbelievable gaffes, the specious optimism, and most importantly, thank you for the never-to-be-lived-down internet material. It's been quite the ride.

Don't know about you, but I have it!

Mr. Football from raiderpower.com took time away from his busy schedule of sweeping his home for CIA listening devices and trying to convince everyone why we need to get back on the gold standard to bless us with this little gem...

will the AP please verify their sources, please

I've been reading the continuing media coverage of the "T-Shirt" story. One thing has jumped out at me - and it appears I'm not the only one.

You see - I've never seen batteries thrown at any Tech sporting event. Not before, not during and not after.

And I think that Tech deserves better than to have Urban Legends grow under our watch while we stand idly by. I realize our little part of interwebland may have little effect.

I do ask that proof of these stories be provided - either in print as reported by the media just after it happened, or by the school administration who would not have stood by and tolerated this behavior.

I now direct you to RedRaiderSports.com as Robert Giovanneti of Rivals.com has similar words for those out there that allow these stories to persist.

We wish that this little Energizer Bunny of assumption would be substantiated.



Now back to our original programming...

Everybody Loves Fran

Rember the Alamo! Remember Jones Stadium!

Our interweb friend over at Classless Clowns has gone so far as to "brand" his blog with the episode now known as the "Goalpost Incident." The incident that forced a re-issuance of the Aggie Media Guide to remove the reference to Texas Tech as a bunch of Classless Clowns.



Thanks to CourtJester92 of the Raiderpower.com Football Forum of reminding us about HornFans' third-party analysis of the Texas Tech/Texas A&M squabble looked like from another team's perspective:

The Gap Kid and Harry Potter take on the Aggies
(I'm noticing that this link is slow - it's HornFan's server - not the link - and it's worth the wait)

And lastly - DiscoTech!'s own perspective as tipped to us by our buddy HeightsRaider:



The similarity is oddly right on.

Aggies - Leading the World in Classy

I have had it up to my freaking eyes in "Look at the Classless Clowns in Lubbock" garbage. I've had enough Aggies insult my fellow Raiders with lectures on how horrible we are as human beings.

Today, the ridiculous "Vick 'Em" T-Shirt has come to light and renewed the fervor of CollieStation. We refuse to post links to the article or to any images of the shirt - we are not going to give those idiots what they want - which is more attention. I'm already disgusted with myself that I've wasted this much time even discussing the matter.

This brand new ammo has served to further perpetrate the idea that Lubbock is full of barely literate knuckle-draggers who would just assume throw batteries at your grandma than see a maroon Tahoe with a 12th Man Foundation sticker on the rear bumper.

I have no doubt that there are bad apples in the barrel. Further, I never approve of such behavior and try as best I can to be sure that those around me are setting a good example. This is the position that the vast majority of Tech fans hold to - but we can't control the minority.

The great thing is that neither can the Aggies! For decades now the Agricultural and Mechanical crowd has somehow designated themselves the paragon of sportsmanship. The sneer you hear in Dave South's voice will tell you how much better they are than you and only one visit to TexAgs by a Raider - and you better prepare for a beatdown of epic proportions - because you just aren't good enough to breathe the same air as an Aggie - and if you don't think so - they'll be sure you're reminded.

I don't hate Aggies. Some of my best friends in the whole world are Aggies. I was accepted to go to Texas A&M and I went to Tech (*Aggie huffs in disbelief, unconvinced*). You can, in fact go to Texas Tech and be a doctor or a lawyer or an astronaut or a financial advisor or even an engineer. The difference is that for most Raiders - we went to Tech and yet are not defined by that. We Raiders only have an issue with the Aggies that go to Texas A&M and let it define their life.

Back to the subject of "Self-anointed Judge and Jury of Class":



Ha Ha Ha - chock full of class *rolleyes*

Both of these pics below are from our 1970 LaVentana...feel free to click on the pics so that you can see the defaced Tech property clearly.

It Seems the Hatred Comes at Birth

Rivalries will make you stupid in a hurry (ver 1.2)

Once again, the Rivalries material is resounding with our readers PLUS I got a reader to send me a pic that I have been wanting! Christmas has come early for Mr. Bond!

So let's get back to this issue of Photoshopped pictures...can anyone tell me who this guy really is a fan of? Or was he some guy at the Livestock Show? (HT to TVTanLine for this pic)

Here's the pic I wanted along with a martini (although I did NOT get that!), so thank you Scott...

Y'all don't think that's shopped do you? It would break my little heart...

Anyhow, here's my tribute to today's 4th of July holiday...it's gonna be a stretch...

And another pair from Luis - and yes, the second one isn't a picture, it's a flowchart...we accept your Rivalry flowcharts as well...


Please enjoy your 4th of July responsibly, you're no good to us if you can't read our blog, and you can't read our blog from jail or while you're in Hell (although I hear they're working on that as an upgrade). And if you're so lucky as to go to heaven, there's plenty of internet access near Jones Stadium!

Wreck 'em!

Rivalries will make you stupid in a hurry (ver 1.1)

We have a reader in Austin (Luis did not declare whether he was a Raider or otherwise, BTW) that sent us some more pics, some I've seen, and one that I haven't.

We very much appreciate that our readers e-mail us pics and links to good stories so PLEASE keep them coming because to date we have posted every single e-mail on the site! You will get your love from DiscoTech!

The first is a pic that has made the rounds on Raiderpower, TexAgs and HornFan forums but it never gets old to me - even though it makes my stomach turn...

Yeesh.

The second is a pic that I think is "shopped" (and I told Luis that). I could swear that I saw this pic without the Aggie stickers and whatnot on it long before I ever saw this version, but you can tell us what you think...
The best I saved for last...

Personally, I had not seen this one and it sure made me laugh...

I am searching for a specific picture from our readers...there's a pic out there of clouds in the West Texas sky forming a "Guns Up." I sure would like to see that picture on our site! I will be posting some Tech pictures I have on my hard drive tomorrow...

Keep 'em coming!

Rivalries...they can make you stupid in a hurry

Click to enlarge any of the pics.

HT to 73MonteCarlo (73MC):

HT to DallasTxRaider:


HT to doubleTTrouble:

(Nothing like mixing your religions)

As always, please submit all of your rivalry craziness (but only when disparages another school)...